Round the World Girl: Christmas Day 2014

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Well folks, I'm just going to say it. Christmas day was a disaster.

It started with Jules and me waking up at 7:30 - not a bad start. We both got to sleep in. That was a bit of bliss. That's where it ends, though.

Every morning, as soon as I am out of bed I am hammered by the cats, the dog, and Jules. The animals want their food, and they want it now, damn it. And Jules is none to open to patience either. What toddler is? I start every day making coffee and actually sitting down to have a cup about an hour and a half later.

Christmas morning started with me asking Jules if he thought Santa had come. Okay, he doesn't know who the hell Santa is and why Mommy is asking him this silly question. His answer, a resounding "No!" I had expected this as I have had previous experiences where Jules' excitement, or lack thereof, has brought me down from whatever outcome I wished for. So when I told him I thought Santa had come and that we should check the tree, I wasn't surprised when he told me he didn't want to go see. He then proceeded to whine and cry, pointing to the bathroom sink. (Jules isn't really using too many words yet, so we do a lot of communicating by questioning until I hear the acknowledging "hmm" in a certain tone. It's a full-on language that only this mommy understands, which I'm sure mommies the world over completely get.) Jules wanted some water. Not having a glass in which to provide him water right there, Mommy did the unspeakable. She went to the kitchen to get one and bring him a glass of water. All hell broke loose. Jules came screaming out after me. He calmed when I gave him the water, which he gulped down lickety split - that little boy was parched! But then, of course, his diaper was full and he motioned to let me know about it.

I take a pause here to write about a change that has occurred with my son in the past several months. We don't want to wear anything but what we want to wear. And if Mommy takes off the clothes that he is wearing, he will be sure that I understand his malcontent.

So, back to our morning. I took off his soaked diaper and found that it had gone through the pajama bottoms he was wearing - red flannel Spider Man-themed with blue spiders. Once again, the screaming and crying ensued. I have a lot of patience for this sort of thing as it happens with some regularity of late. I merely walked away and let him get it out. Only, it wasn't ending. He went on, and on, and on. I asked him which new pajama bottoms he'd like to wear. Usually this gets him off his tantrum. Not on this day. He wanted to lean up against the wall and scream and cry. Finally I took it upon myself to go and get a new pair of BLUE Spider Man-themed pajamas with RED spiders. I thought he might protest, but I got lucky. He was happy.

Getting him excited or even interested in the presents wasn't going to happen any time soon. So we sat in the living room chair and snuggled for a bit. His eyes finally lit up when he saw there were presents under the tree. YES! Finally some joy in the house on this Christmas morning! And after the first present, he finally looked over to see the massive 7 ft by 7 ft trampoline standing in the corner of the living room. (A big thank you call-out to my brother-in-law Orlando and my dad for building it for us!) He also got excited over this and did run over to it to peer inside and think about getting in.

Another interjection. My little boy is so completely and utterly social, that for him, the fun in enjoying life is to be with others. Yes, I understand where he gets this from - both his parents have this quality in excess. I get it. It does make it hard when there's just one in the house.

Jules wasn't too interested to jump around in the trampoline just yet. But I knew once he got other kids into it, he would be all about the bouncing. He pretty much bounces on my couches non-stop.

Just to paint a picture for you of the morning, not only did I have the toddler melt down and ensuing opening of presents going on, but I wasn't able to get to the dog and the cats right away so all of them were pawing, barking, meowing at me to "FEED ME" and feed me now until I could finally break away for the 30 seconds it takes to do that. On top of that while Jules was sitting on the shag carpet in the living room, I saw that a layer of dog hair had formed and was creating a quilt of hair all over his pajamas - YUK! So in the midst of the craziness, I brought out the vacuum and was attempting to get some of the white carpeting of dog hair up from the rug. Yep, coffee that morning was made at 7:45 and drank at 10:00 a.m.

I won't bore you with all of the fits and squabbles that my little boy challenged me with that day, but I will say that I cried...a lot. At one point my little sweetie who had just brought me to tears for the second time, carried over some tissue to use to wipe my eyes. That put a smile on my face and warmed my heart. He also obliged me when I told him I needed a hug. I got a big one and then some kisses too. I'd like to say that was the last I cried that day, but it wasn't. I even got a few scream sessions in to top off the tears. Took myself into the garage at one point and let loose. It felt so good.

I hosted the Christmas meal at my house. It was actually a fairly simple meal- prime rib, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, rolls and a Caesar salad. The only things I was responsible for were the meat, the potatoes and the gravy. I thought that was manageable. Ha! Jules had other plans for me! He decided he didn't want to take a nap unless he was ON Mommy, so every time I went to put him down, he woke and screamed. My mom had to step in and get the potatoes and gravy made. I felt like such a failure that I couldn't even help. In fact, I felt a bit like a prisoner.

We did finally manage to get through dinner. I ate while holding Jules in my arms as he slept. My brother Eric had to cut my meat like I was a kid. But hey, I had some peace for a bit.

It did get better a little while later when my sister Cindy and her kids showed up. I had given Jules an early Christmas gift (very early, like first week in December) of a ride-on Batmobile car. When the Dodge boys got here, they joined in riding it out in the street. The best part of the car, besides that it is one tricked out ride, is that it comes with a remote control, so the adult can maneuver the car for the little ones who are still driving with only a permit.

Everyone departed around 6:30 in the evening. I was just spent. I turned on the movie Polar Express for Jules and I passed out in the chair while he sat on my lap watching it. I woke once it was over and we headed into bed. Both of us slept straight through to 7:30 in the morning the next day. Clearly it wasn't just me who was wiped.

Don't get me wrong, the day wasn't all bad. It's just that the over-arching theme was crankiness, tiresome, frustrating, with a general sense of feeling overwhelmed thrown in. I've already decided that there will be changes to next year's Christmas events. The main one being not to host dinner for 20 some people.

In addition to my little boy bringing me a tissue to wipe my tears, there was one other sweet moment that stands out and makes up for all the rest. When he and I went into my bed, he reached over to me, grabbed my neck and turned my face toward him to give me the biggest, warmest hugs and kisses. It made the rest of the crappy day melt away.

On an end note, I have been attempting for months now to get some posts up. We have been so busy with (mostly) wonderful things. Since I last wrote in October, we've had the following events go in our lives.

Train trip to Portland to visit with Miss Sarah and The Robbers in September
Santa Cruz for a 3-day work event (Jules and our lovely nanny Pamela joined)
Jules' birthday on October 3rd, including the big Tacos and Trunks celebration
My mom's, my brother's, and my birthday in October (of which I hosted 2 BBQs to celebrate) with a trip to Timber Cove with the Bracketts thrown in
Halloween! And a trip to the Western Railway Museum and pumpkin patch
Veteran's Day weekend in Timber Cove with the Campbells, the Lucas's and the Dodges
Auberge outing with Mom, Cindy and Arleen
Disneyland!
Luke and Liam's birthdays at the end of November
Thanksgiving
A visit from Ed and Ruth! (who also stayed with us for a couple of nights)
The 7th annual White Elephant holiday party hosted at my house
Book club holiday party hosted at my house
Oakland Zoo Lights
San Francisco Symphony
My brother in the hospital (this one not so great, clearly, and more to come on that)
Festivus at the Castro house
Christmas Eve dinner at the Langells followed up with BV Irish coffees at my house so that we could build the trampoline that was Jules' Christmas gift

Which brings us to Christmas. I'm certain I am forgetting some other significant events over the past few months. Throw into this mix the fact that I am still trying to keep Jim's business going while working full time, and taking care of a toddler and you'll understand if I haven't reached out to you or am delayed in reaching out. I can barely find time to eek out a bathroom break. Seriously, my life is crazy and I am looking forward to the new year. Even if also crazy, at least it won't be tainted with a date year which will go down in my history as one in which I'd rather forget some events.

I am going to try and be better about finding time for myself in 2015 and doing some of those things that bring me joy and peace (even if it means taking advantage of my insomnia to get some writing in, as I've done this morning). I did end up the year planning a trip to Hawaii that will surely offer some relaxation and a walk down memory lane. And for all the venting I've done in this post, I have to say that every moment of my life with my precious son in it is beautiful beyond words. So while he'll continue to test me and my strength, he will also continue to bring me a joy I've never known before he came into my world. And for that I am so deeply thankful.

Merry Christmas my dear friends, and Happy 2015!

Comments

Sister, I've experienced many similar days. I felt near insanity and like I sucked for not being more zen...totally unreal expectations of myself. Thanks for sharing your truth. You're not alone.
Now that my boys are 4 and 6 and communicate well and know how to do lots of stuff for themselves....there are waaaay less meltdowns and I rarely feel insane. Although overwhelm is a constant state for me.
Bravo, it looks like you fit in a shit ton of fun this past fall.

Posted by: Jeanna | December 28, 2014 at 06:52 AM

You are amazing. Under the best of conditions your Christmas would break anyone else. I am so proud of you, and maybe a saying that I know will help in understanding.
"Tears are the words that the heart can't express".
Jules is so adorable, I love the spiderman and batman.

Posted by: Jennifer | December 27, 2014 at 01:48 PM

In the 3 years since we were last out with you so much has happened! It is amazing just how much has happened to you and your family that has been mirrored in ours too. Know just how you feel! When insomnia strikes why not skype us - we'd love to catch up. Love and big hugs from us both. xoxo

Posted by: Tim Clementson | December 27, 2014 at 08:50 AM